I flick through profiles and send a message when someone pops up who interests me. It is disheartening when they don’t respond. No matter how many times I hear ‘you will find someone’ it doesn’t make it easier. This is often said from someone who isn’t in the same position as me, they have found their ‘one’.
Everyone has had their fair share of disaster relationships but to not have one that has worked or gone beyond anything remotely serious, I am beginning to doubt that it will ever work for me. It is easy for them to say that it won’t last forever. I think it will. I can’t trust and I close up when someone gets too close and then I show signs I am not interested.
It takes time. Men are not willing to wait for anything to spark up, it has to be there right at that moment otherwise it will never be there. That may be the case sometimes but I am not the same person when I meet a guy for the very first time to when I meet him the second. It is getting to that second time that I struggle with. They make their decision and then they are gone. No friendship will come out of it because having another friend isn’t worth it.
Although I see friends falling in love I am scared that I will never have that and whilst they are settling into their new life together I will be alone and being alone for the rest of my life scares me so much.
Love is a blessing but it is also a curse. It is overwhelming and leaves you struggling for breathe, at least that is how I imagine it.
I have scars inside and out but why do we have to make a choice on who a potential partner is based on their looks. There is inside beauty as well and the beauty you can see can fade overtime so then what difference does it make?
It is an entrapment. An ex boyfriend made me believe it was love so he knew I would do what he wanted. I was naïve and vulnerable and since him I struggle to believe that anyone will love me because he told me and it hasn’t happened since….
Love is a curse.