Nowadays when it comes to finding a potential partner the main factor that will help you attract someone is down to your physical appearance. You have little control on your appearance and everyone find different things attractive.
When I am not wearing contact lenses i have to wear glasses. When i was younger i was considered unattractive because i wore glasses at school. I was and maybe still am overweight and overall i was bullied because of my appearance.
Nowadays what gets me down is the lumps and bumps i have all over my body caused by my NF condition. I have no control over this and in relationships i have been made to feel ugly because of these lumps and bumps. These ‘tumours’ lay on the nerves and i have recently started suffering from nerve pain in my fingers and toes.
After reading up on what can be done i learnt that being pregnant can cause these ‘tumours’ to grow more. Not only is there a 50% chance that there will be someting wrong with my child there is also a high chance of more of these lumps appearing and i have a high number already. You can get them removed but they will grow back.
I am lucky that they aren’t on my face but they cover my stomach and back. After numerous failures with guys they might as well be on my face because I am considered ugly. I am self conscious and extremely shy which so far has never worked in my favour. An ex boyfriend told me they were gross and i should cover them up and ever since him i am worried about the man’s reaction when he sees them.
Rejection because of something we have no control over. It upsets me that nowadays it is all down to physical appearance. If you don’t have that then it doesn’t matter if you are the nicest person on earth.
I know people who get a lot of attention because they are naturally pretty/good looking but this is their power. They know they are good looking and can drop someone they don’t want because they can easily get a replacement. When someonen is naturally pretty/good looking but have a horrible personality doesn’t that make it…pointless? Beauty isn’t worth anything unless it can be seen inside and out. Unfortunately today people would rather see it on the outside and eventhough their heart is as black as coal that doesn’t matter.
I am tired of not being able to look at myself in the mirror because of words that have been thrown at me in the past. Strangers in the street have called me ugly and guys have called me ugly because that is what is important in a relationship, that is what drives someone, that is what makes a man or a woman approach someone they like. I don’t need a man to tell me I am beautiful but I need strangers to stop telling me i am ugly because I feel ugly everyday when I look in the mirror. It almost clarifies it.
I want to be happy with myself, i want to be feel confident with myself.
Life_in_a_nutshell 